My Musings

From the 23rd to the 27th

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:52:59 GMT

Friday ~ Chris and I had a delightful drive to Medford together.

Saturday ~ Was my birthday. I had a wonderfully sweet moment when my Dad, Chris, my best bud Wendy and my cat Contess were all together watching a movie. Chris was to my left, the kitty and Wendy were to my right. It was a very happy moment for me.

Sunday ~ Experienced amazing moments with Chris. Including hearing some really beautiful things from his lips.

Monday ~ Enjoyed collecting autumn leaves to draw.

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year

from me to you

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:20:48 GMT

I heard the bells in my head
the second i saw you
and against my better judgment
i began to adore you
and i haven’t stopped since
and i’m gonna make you know it

i’m gonna knock til i get in
and i’m on you like a tattoo
just like the ink on your skin
i’ll work my way in
and write my name all over your heart
because you are mine
and you’ll wear my mark

don’t you see the way your hand fits so perfectly with mine
we were made to stand together by some great unknown design
for now and all of time you will be mine

i heard the bells in my head
the minute i met you
and in my best interest
i tried to ignore you i tried to forget you
but you just won’t let it be
so i’m stuck with you
and you’re stuck with me

don’t you see the way your hand fits so perfectly with mine
we were made to stand together by some great unknown design
for now and all of time you will be mine

and when the rains come
i will be the shelter you hide under
it’s no wonder we were made for one another

you’re the reason
i persist in my existence
i insist i’m the miss you’ve been missing mister

i heard the bells in my head
the second i saw you
and against my better judgment
i began to adore you
and i haven’t stopped since
and i’m gonna make you know it

i’m gonna knock til i get in
and i’m on you like a tattoo
just like the ink on your skin
i’ll work my way in
and write my name all over your heart
don’t you see the way your hand fits so perfectly with mine
we were made to stand together by some great unknown design
for now and all of time you will be mine

Yeah, this should be a goal!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:41:00 GMT

I actually all too often find myself running out of stuff, or not really taking the time to list things that I would like in my life. And I am pretty much talking about material things here.. I just realized that I don’t have a real necklace to my name, that my clothes are getting rather worn out, and I’m in need of some serious pampering products.

My birthday is this coming weekend and my dad is prepared to spend some cash on me. So I think I’ll drum up a wish list so I know what to be looking for!

The wish list shall stay longer though, because I’d like to keep having stuff on it for the future!

See more progress on: make a wish list

October's 4 things

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:10:18 GMT

1. Finish my 5 year letter to myself.

2. Figure out what to do for Halloween.

3. Purchase yarn.

4. Give myself a good facial.

See more progress on: Complete four "things" a month

Now might be thee best time ever to write this letter.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:54:59 GMT

Perhaps this should be my own birthday present to myself. I really ought to sit down this week and write out this letter to myself. I can’t think of a better time to write about the current state of affairs, with the new engagement and a pivital time in my life when my dreams seem to be coming true.

It would be wonderful to plot out a rough idea of what the future could be like and write that to myself. I might discover something grand. I will really TRY to do this… :D

See more progress on: Write a letter to myself that I'll open in 5 years

Turning 31 this month...

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:25:54 GMT

.. and I just had to post.. this isn’t a shabby shot of me, considering I’m going on 31. I’m not big on bragging, but I think this is a decent accomplishment! :D

See more progress on: age gracefully

July 2009

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 01:59:55 GMT

July was about savoring the accomplishment of a closed chapter of debt as well as securing new routines with my new ‘world’. It also brought a truly lovely weekend that I will remember for the rest of my life.

In July, I got out of debt. July brought more furnishings and stuff to make the apartment more homey.

The weather was over all just wonderful. Very few hot days. I savored the delicious weather on my walks to and from work. Got settled into all of that.

4th of July was an interesting night. Watched fireworks shooting off from downtown on a picnic table just outside of the apartment. Decent view.

Then, went to The Fez for 4th of July clubbing. I wound up getting duped by a guy who told me he was gay, and we had a great conversation, but later I had been warned that he wasn’t gay and it was a pick up trick. Was up til 4am, out at the food carts at Hawthorne and 12th where illegal fireworks were being shot off and where Andrew and I ate bad vegan burritos.

July also delivered a most delightful weekend to Trout Lake. Chris had invited me to come to the Trout Lake Art Festival for one of the weekends. I believe the weekend after the 4th of July.

It was my first “stay” in Trout Lake since they had come back. It was so surreal because only a couple months prior, I was driving alone in Trout Lake, wantonly gazing at their vacant home and feeling like it was only a dream when I used to regularly visit the house and immerse myself in Trout Lake. That same drive, I actually drove in the very spot that the festival was going to take place. Funny thing is, I had never ventured to that part of the area before, and it was completely random, and I remember drinking in the view of seeing both Mt. Adams and Mt. Hood at the same time.

At any rate, the weekend was a lot of fun. Wonderful artwork to peruse through, and being around Chris again. We topped it off with a great snuggle session on my last day there. It was such a sweet connection that we made.

After that wonderful but very short trip, I came back to reality, which felt like a massive crash, and then got word that my co-worker was getting a new position. This brought a bit of stress to me, as I felt completely unready to take on my duties plus many of his, all on my own.

July also brought some brutal discoveries of betrayal and discovering lies about Andrew. Without going into great detail, it was painful, but showed me a lot about him and what the future was going to be with us.

And that, was a very packed July. I’m very grateful for it.

See more progress on: Write a Summary about each Month

June 2009

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 01:41:34 GMT

June was the month when life started to brighten up a lot. There were so many things “sprouting” and showing hints of a much happier summer, than what I was feeling through the beginning of the year.

Mid June, got to move into the apartment! Awesome! No more crazy bitch roommate! No more disgusting kitchen that was not healthy to even stand in.

I got to cut out my bike ride and just walk to work, since work wound up being only about 4 blocks away. The shift was like a cool brisk breeze blowing around me after being in a sauna of oppression.

I remember the first night Andrew and I started moving stuff in. We got this most phenomenal and unusual vegan pizza, made with a corn based crust, with caramelized onions, a tofu ricotta “cheeze” type topping, corn, and unbelievably delicious roasted tomatoes that actually tasted more like bacon than tomatoes.

We sat on the floor and ate at this low set table that we had found for free on the side of the road. I was exhausted as it was a Friday night and we had expelled a bunch of energy just to get the hell out of Maureen’s house asap, and get as much into the new place.

The other aspect about June that got to be interesting, was that it was confirmed that Chris was headed back this way. He took root back in Trout Lake and one day, surprised me with a text and asked if I wanted to meet up with him somewhere for a little while.

We met up at a place called Chaos Cafe, just a few blocks from my apartment, and it was great to see him again. I was studying my feelings as we hung out together, with his dad. It was a bit awkward but comfortable all at the same time. It felt weird because it felt like a lifetime ago that I had hung out with him and seen his dad. But it was as if no time had passed and we kind of resumed back to what it had always been.

June was definitely the brightest month of the year so far. It was just like Summer was opening it’s doors in my life. It was everything new and refreshing.

See more progress on: Write a Summary about each Month

Not Too Late

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 04:48:50 GMT

Tell me how you've been,
Tell what you've seen,
Tell me that you'd like to see me too.

'cause my heart is full of no blood,
My cup is full of no love,
Couldn't take another sip even if I wanted.

But it's not too late,
Not too late for love.

My lungs are out of air,
Yours are holding smoke,
And it's been like that for so long.

I've seen people try to change,
And I know it isn't easy,
But nothin' worth the time ever is.

And it's not too late,
It's not too late for love,
For love,
For love,
For love.

July 28th

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:22:14 GMT

Just a teency bit behind.. but no worries.. :)

Completed Goal – get out of debt. WOOO! All done!! YAY!

Completed Goal – have better skin.

Completed Goal – Keep a look out for opportunities

Gave up on – Visiting the ocean once a month. (For now, til I can see myself actually adhering to such a goal).

1. schedule my life and follow that schedule – Doing MUCH MUCH better with this.. not 100% but waaay better.

2. Complete four “things” a month – Nothing set for July. Probably will just skip to August.

3. List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year – Bit of lag over the past month. Will try to be more consistent.

4. Take at least one photograph every week. – No progress. Going to get a cell phone soon, so this should change things big time.

5. Create a budget, and stick with it – I have the rough draft put together. I need to pinpoint payment due dates to make sure money is more than available.

6. Save money – Part of my budget and financial planning. Will get super serious by mid September.

7. Make a living with my creativity – Getting oh so serious about this one. Workin on it! Would like to be selling stuff by this time next year.

8. make my business successful – Goes with goal 7.

9. build a reputation based on my work – Goes with goal 9!

10. buy my own house – Will factor into my 5 year goals.

11. Become Financially Independent – Not yet.

12. knit or crochet a blanket – Still need to finish! Too hot right now though. Hmm..

13. Bring my own bags to the supermarket – 50/50 right now. :/

14. recycle everything – Doing better and will infuse creativity into it.

15. sincerely compliment someone at least once a day – might call this done. I’m being pretty consistent. Will give it two more weeks and see.

16. make more effort to make friends – Really need to break out of my shell and listen to people when they tell me I seem intimidating. So, I watched this thing on how to flirt. lol

17. have conversations late into the night with fascinating people – Happened a couple weekends ago.

18. not be afraid to speak up when i have an answer/idea/opinion – Progress.. but need to keep working at this.

19. Write a Summary about each Month – Catch up time for me!

20. Do something new every month – Definitely did this month! :)

21. Have a totally different life by this time next year – I can certainly see this. I may have a quarterly update coming too.. That should be interesting.

22. Find that perfect town to live in/by and move there – All is up in the air right now.

23. have my own garden – Probably next year-ish.

24. become a burlesque dancer – dunno yet.

25. get a brazilian bikini wax – Well I had to cancel because I got an invite to visit Chris. It just so happened to fall on the same day.. So.. who knows when now.

26. age gracefully – I think this is workin well.

27. astral project – Would really like to meditate more.

28. Continue to work on my Book of Shadows – Need to start working on this. I think it would help. Need to get over my perfectionism and just start setting up the innards and not worry about it’s look yet.

29. Start a journal documenting my favorite quotes from books, songs, films, friends, etc. – Goes with goal 32.

30. Write a letter to myself that I’ll open in 5 years – Should really tackle this one soon.

31. Discover my Heritage – No updates.

32. Review Goals Bi-Weekly – Ok.. it was monthly in this instance.

33. Keep track of Portland being weird – Nothing stands out in my mind, but I aint done yet. :)

See more progress on: Review Goals Bi-Weekly

July 28th

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:04:00 GMT

Just a teency bit behind.. but no worries.. :)

Completed Goal – get out of debt. WOOO! All done!! YAY!

1. schedule my life and follow that schedule – Doing MUCH MUCH better with this.. not 100% but waaay better.

2. Complete four “things” a month – Nothing set for July. Probably will just skip to August.

3. Take at least one photograph every week. – No progress. Going to get a cell phone soon, so this should change things big time.

4. Buy a new bike – Probably going to remove for now.

5. Save money – Part of my budget and financial planning. Will get super serious by mid September.

6. Create a budget, and stick with it – I have the rough draft put together. I need to pinpoint payment due dates to make sure money is more than available.

7. Become Financially Independent – Not yet.

8. buy my own house – Will factor into my 5 year goals.

9. Make a living with my creativity – Getting oh so serious about this one. Workin on it! Would like to be selling stuff by this time next year.

10. make my business successful – Goes with goal 9.

11. build a reputation based on my work – Goes with goal 10!

12. knit or crochet a blanket – Still need to finish! Too hot right now though. Hmm..

13. Bring my own bags to the supermarket – 50/50 right now. :/

14. recycle everything – Doing better and will infuse creativity into it.

15. List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year – Bit of lag over the past month. Will try to be more consistent.

16. sincerely compliment someone at least once a day – might call this done. I’m being pretty consistent. Will give it two more weeks and see.

17. make more effort to make friends – Really need to break out of my shell and listen to people when they tell me I seem intimidating. So, I watched this thing on how to flirt. lol

18. have conversations late into the night with fascinating people – Happened a couple weekends ago.

19. not be afraid to speak up when i have an answer/idea/opinion – Progress.. but need to keep working at this.

20. Keep a look out for opportunities – Just about ready to wrap this goal up. I’m looking.

21. Write a Summary about each Month – Catch up time for me!

22. Do something new every month – Definitely did this month! :)

23. visit the ocean once a month – I think I might just take this goal off.

24. Have a totally different life by this time next year – I can certainly see this. I may have a quarterly update coming too.. That should be interesting.

25. Find that perfect town to live in/by and move there – All is up in the air right now.

26. have my own garden – Probably next year-ish.

27. become a burlesque dancer – dunno yet.

28. have better skin – Skin is improving tremendously! I may call this done soon!

29. get a brazilian bikini wax – Well I had to cancel because I got an invite to visit Chris. It just so happened to fall on the same day.. So.. who knows when now.

30. age gracefully – I think this is workin well.

31. astral project – Would really like to meditate more.

32. Continue to work on my Book of Shadows – Need to start working on this. I think it would help. Need to get over my perfectionism and just start setting up the innards and not worry about it’s look yet.

33. Start a journal documenting my favorite quotes from books, songs, films, friends, etc. – Goes with goal 32.

34. Write a letter to myself that I’ll open in 5 years – Should really tackle this one soon.

35. Discover my Heritage – No updates.

36. Review Goals Bi-Weekly – Ok.. it was monthly in this instance.

37. Keep track of Portland being weird – Nothing stands out in my mind, but I aint done yet. :)

See more progress on: Review Goals Bi-Weekly

Week Summary

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 23:59:29 GMT

Yeah, I have been slacking a lot on this goal. I’ve come to realize how intensive a lot of my goals are. But today is Anti-Procrastination day on my Schedule, so here I am.

The last couple days have been excellent. I have been following my schedule very well. This has really helped make a difference in my evening.

The end of last week was great. I took great lengths to get myself out of debt and will be debt free this month.

The weekend was good too. It was a 3 day weekend and the 4th of July. Loved the fact that I got to eat delicious vegan food from Hungry Tiger Too… TWO days in a row.

I’m losing weight and trimming up.

So much to be happy about right now. I’m still so happy with my new place too.

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year

Sheesh

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:24:42 GMT

I seriously didn’t realize that I have not written in here this long..

Last week:

Happy about my kitchen.
Happy about accomplishing some rather stressful things.

Happy about the fact that I got a surprise visit from Chris on Saturday.. wooooooo!

Happy about seeing Transformers 2.

Happy about having deliciously healthy food in the house that stops me from eating crappy stuff! :D

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year

Tuesday

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:29:29 GMT

Was wonderful. I love walking to work and walking home. It’s a beautiful walk. There’s an adorable fluffy cat that hang out along the sidewalk and get a couple of pets.

I loved coming into my new apartment and knowing I could just be myself. No tension. No worry. Yay!

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year

This is already becoming easier..

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:24:22 GMT

Now that I have full control over my abode, it’s getting SO much easier to follow my schedule and routines. I’m already seeing a huge difference.

One huge project I’m undertaking now is setting up a meal planner in my Google Calendar so I can shop more efficiently and have wonderful homecooked meals. It will save loads of money.

:D :D :D

See more progress on: schedule my life and follow that schedule

A summary..

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:59:07 GMT

Since I have gone over a week without mentioning what has made me happy, I’m going to do a quick summary…

Essentially what I’m most happy about is the fact that Andrew and I accomplished so much. We got all of our stuff out of the old place and now we’re in the new place.

The new place rocks. We have cable again. The place is already getting cozy. It’s private. It’s spacious. I have a real bathroom again, with bright lights so I can actually do a good job on my hair and make-up.

Best thing of all.. no more effed up housemate and no more disgusting household to sift through. Independence is back. Life feels awesome again. There’s still a little bit of fear like those moments when you’re on your bike and you’re not sure if you’ve totally got it or if you might slip and fall, but it’s still a great feeling.

SO SO HAPPY. :D

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year

Totally inspired to do this

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:50:34 GMT

Now that I have a place to care for and make sure is cozy and inviting, I am ready to really follow through with my routines better.

:) Going to dust off the virtual schedule calendar and start following it better. Yay!

See more progress on: schedule my life and follow that schedule

Really excited to get this going again!

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:10:05 GMT

This coming weekend will be the official move-in date! Following my initial schedule won’t be smooth right off the bat, but it will be a gazillion times easier to do now that I have my own place with a kitchen and everything! Wooo! So much easier to clean up dishes and random stuff. I am so thrilled.

So the schedule will be back in the limelight soon! With exercising added in for good measure.

See more progress on: schedule my life and follow that schedule

Got the place!! Woo!!

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 00:00:11 GMT

Alright! So I just got a 'psych out' call from Andrew. He called with a really dissapointed sounding voice. But then he said we were approved. :) YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New place! New chapter!! Better situation!! Finally! Finally! Finally!

It's only a couple blocks from my work. Will be within walking distance to places that I've already deamed favorite spots. I'm really happy about this!!

Friday through Monday

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 03:52:27 GMT

Friday ~ Happily survived a bizarre ride home. Got to spend time alone. Enjoyed it.

Saturday ~ Indulged in my guilty pleasure of The Jam. So good. Saw Matt, one of guys who works there. He’s really cool. Enjoyed delicious coffee, cleaned up some around the ‘residence’.

Sunday ~ Discovered the sock shop! Wooo! Relaxed. Watched dumb movies and vegged out.

Monday ~ I’m happy that there is a rental possibility. It looks hopeful and is in a good location.

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year

May 2009

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 21:56:24 GMT

May wound up being a much better month over all, compared to April. The beginning of May was still pretty chilly. Morning’s still required a scarf with a couple of slim hoodies for the bike ride to work. There was even one morning that was 39 degrees out. I remember thinking how weird that was.

Anyway, May spun some interesting new twists into my life. One late Friday night, and eventually Saturday morning, we chatted for a good while. The end of the conversation ended with him asking me if we would hang out every single day together, if he came back to Portland.

May began to warm up, during the middle of the month, and I was really starting to tackle my body. I visited Dad for Memorial Day weekend, which included bringing back some workout videos from last year. They were still in his storage. So toward the end I revved up the work out level big time.

Also the weekend of visiting Dad, he showed me this new clock that he bought. It’s pretty extravagant, plays different tunes at every hour. We spent some good quality time together. That weekend, Chris hinted he was on his way here.

The month wrapped up with warm weather and a 30 day notice to leave, from the housemate. I wound up with a huge question mark followed by an exclamaition point on the last day of the month.

See more progress on: Write a Summary about each Month

Rad guy on mega high stilts.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:19:16 GMT

I swear, I need a camera phone. Just something that can document these things. It’s really fun to write about, but it would so help to have a snap shot!

Anyway.. there was a possy of people who all looked like they were together, and looked like they were part of a circus act. One guy in particular was on these insanely high stilts and had super long rad looking pants. He was dressed in black with gold trimming, fitted circus-y suit with a red top hat type thing.

It was fascinating and bizarre.. Just love it.

See more progress on: Keep track of Portland being weird

Found a rad sock shop!

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:10:15 GMT

I have a feeling that June is going to be chock full of new things! So many changes happening during this month.

So in this particular instance, I found this awesome sock shop here in Portland. They have all kinds of sexy stockings and socks. It was like shopping at a candy store.

www.sockdreams.com

I got a couple of much needed knee highs, over the knee highs and these hot fishnets. :) :) :)

See more progress on: Do something new every month

Getting the limelight..

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:20:02 GMT

I have to look out for opportunities now because life is getting nothing short of crazy! I have to leave where I live by the first of July… My job is going to shift cuz my co-worker is moving on.. Not sure what’s going to happen with C in the picture again.. wow.. wow…wow… must keep looking.. I’m looking every day. Trying to think about stuff and approach things differently.

See more progress on: Keep a look out for opportunities

Sat - Mon

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:14:23 GMT

Saturday ~ Tried this new delicious scramble at the Jam. Curry Tofu Scramble. It sounds really weird, especially with toast and hashbrowns.. but people, it worked.. and was great. Also met the pink haired girlfriend of one of the workers there. Good to connect and make more friends.

Sunday ~ Got the confirmation.. He’s on his way here! Yeehaw!!! I’ve got a couple weeks to get ready. Woooo.

Monday ~ Slept well throughout the night. Very sound, very relaxed.

See more progress on: List some things everyday that made me happy, for an entire year